I started writing this blog as a way of letting out the pent up feelings of frustration and sadness I was feeling during my struggle with CFS, fibromyalgia, severe anxiety and depression. And as far as I was concerned it was working. After my last post I think I was finally coming to grips with my feelings and had finally learnt to deal with my issues. Since my last post my health has slowly but steadily continued to improve from where I started after my diagnosis, and finally I have reached the point I'm at now. I am most definitely at my healthiest since becoming ill, I have gone from spending my days and nights in bed, not able to sleep or even sit up because of the pain and other physical symptoms, to holding on to a part-time job, babysitting and somewhat of a social life. Life is not perfect, but compared to how it was I feel pretty damn lucky.
That is not to say that everything has been great though. I feel like I'm in an extremely tentative position; if I don't do enough physically I will become weak again, and if I do too much I risk a relapse that could make the last few years of effort worth nothing. It doesn't sound too complicated, but when the line between too much and not enough is constantly being moved from day-to-day it can be a frustrating and stressful process. But I guess in the long run it's worth it, after all what is a bit of stress when I can have a life again?
I may have fallen a few times, and I definitely complained more than was necessary at times, but I'm proud of myself for how far I've come. I'm far from perfect, I'm flawed in more ways than I could begin to describe, but I'm strong. It is such a slow process from where I am now to where I would like to be but I know I can do it if I try. And there is no chance of me giving up now, not when I can look back and see the difference I've made to my life.
Adding on to a subject I covered more than once, the people around me have been a great influence on how well I am doing and I have to thank them for everything they've done. There are only a handful of people I am willing to let into my life completely, and the ones I do I trust implicitly. I know they have had a lot to deal with because of the issues I have, but I hope they know I am willing to do as much for them as they do for me. I don't take anything people do for me as granted.
As always, thank you for reading my blog.