The Future...

Hello again, it is a brand new day and time for a brand new post!

Something which has been on my mind a lot lately is my future. Since I was younger I had a clear image of what I wanted my future to be like; becoming a doctor, getting married, having children, the whole package. I even had a timeline of when I wanted all of this to happen. I am not at all naive, I didn't think it would all turn out exactly how I had imagined, but I never imagined that things would change drastically enough to uproot all my plans

For a while after my diagnosis I tried to carry on with the plan. Starting with finishing my A Levels. Looking back, this was my way at desperately clinging on to the life I had before my illness, at the time I was in complete denial. I was convinced I was doing the right thing, and that if I made myself worse it would be worth it in the end (ridiculous I know!). Eventually the illness took over completely and I had no choice in the matter, it was time to give up on finishing my education for now.

This was an extremely difficult thing for me to do, this was the last part of my life before CFS, and I hated the feeling of giving up on holding on to that. This decision also brought up a lot of questions about the rest of my future. If I never got back into education there was no way of becoming a doctor as I had always dreamed. The idea of giving up on this dream felt like a dagger to the heart. I had a passion for medicine and had been studying and learning about everything I needed to know since I was in my early teens. I knew being a doctor was what I was meant to do, but maybe now I would have to construct a completely different life to the one I had imagined.

I made the decision to leave part-time education around 6 months ago, and I have only just began to get my head around the idea of adapting my future to fit in with my illness. There is still a chance I can get the life I imagined, and if I don't well then I will just have to cope won't I! Things change, and we need to adapt. One lesson I have learnt is that I was actually quite closed-minded about what my future could be, since I have been forced to look at the alternative ideas it has shown me that there is so much more out there

Lately the best thing I have found is to try and avoid dwelling too much on what my future will hold. It is time to stop fighting against Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and listen to my symptoms. I need to take time for myself, and that is what I intend on doing. For the time being I am going to put all my effort and concentration into getting through this ordeal. The more you fight against CFS, the worse it hits back at you.