Much needed support

Everybody needs support from others, whether they admit it or not. Having support means you can achieve things you never thought you would be able to, and can experience things you never dreamed of. And more simply than that, it means you have someone to share the good times with, and to lean on during the bad times.

For sufferers of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome having help and support is, in my opinion, the most important thing. When you have someone to turn to, to distract you from the day-to-day problems, to wipe away the tears, and to keep you company during the lonely times, life doesn't seem so hopeless.

Over the last few years I have discovered that it is true what people say, you really do find out who your true friends are during times of hardship. Before I was diagnosed I would have told you that I had many good friends who I'm sure would be there for me if I needed them, but during the course of my illness I discovered that I was wrong. Many of those that I thought would be there, gradually faded away, a few appeared every now and again, and a small number were always there; holding my hand during the pain, telling me jokes to stop the tears and reminding me that it was all going to be okay.

I have never been one to ask for pitty, I feel incredibly uncomfortable when people tell me they feel bad for me because "it must be so awful to have chronic fatigue syndrome!". I understand why they say it, but this is my way of coping. Despite this I do sometimes need some support, especially during the hard times. Times when I am low, when I am in agony for days on end, or just days when I don't have the energy to leave the house. During these times, I don't know what I would do without a bit of support. (Well I tell a lie, I have felt like I had no support and it did not go well for me, but we can discuss that incident at a later date.)

To anyone who is reading this who has not gone through a problem similar to this, people turning their back on you during hard times may seem like the worst thing possible. But this is not the case. For me, the worst experiences I had were to have friends who said they would be there for me, and then couldn't cope, and left me to cope alone. During times like these I would question whether anyone would want to be with me, romantically or just for friendship. Could anyone really put up with all the stress that comes with this condition? The frustration of not being able to help in any way? Not knowing how the other person is feeling, and having to experience the extremely steep learning curve that comes with chronic fatigue syndrome?

For a while I believed that all this was true, it was hard enough for me to learn to adapt to such a life changing illness, I could never expect anyone else to do that for me.

But recently I have realised I was wrong. I was so damn wrong! I realised I had been focusing far too much on the people that couldn't cope and not enough on those who had been quietly following behind to catch me when I fell. Looking back now I see that there were some people who took it upon themselves to take on my problems and do their very best to support me whenever they could.

I have now come to the conclusion that it is not the illness which is forcing people away, it is them. Some people have the capacity to cope with all the crap which comes with being close to someone who is going through so much on a daily basis, and those that can't are not bad people, they are just different. If you find that you are being let down, and are not getting enough support from certain people, then it is probably time to accept that the chances are that you will never get the support you are so desperate for. But if you are lucky like me, you may also turn around to find those loyal few who have been there for you, every single step of the way.